It's starting all over again.

Like how it was 2 years and a probably a couple of months back.

Paranoia, insecurity, uncertainty, and fear haunts me.

An hour of this paranoia is like a year of suffering.

It doesn't only affect me. It has affected the people closest to me.

I suffer, they suffer.

I have asked why.

I don't know the exact answer.

All i believe is that something can be learnt of this and i will be made stronger by Him.

By giving me the test, He has already given me the tools to pass it.

Oh, but, oh, it feels so torturous.

I probably understand when they said "Life's a living hell."

I'm sorry if i caused any of you hurt or confusion or anything bad by my actions, lack of it or the words that came out of my mouth.

I'm just trying very hard to not be paranoid.

But, oh, it comes.. It comes and hits me like a thundering wave.

Then, the damage was not entirely done to the person. But to the people closest to him.

It hurts the person to see his closest hurt.

He doesn't want it to happen, but, it just does. No matter how hard he tries to control.

He must see his doctor.

First thing Monday.

Jesus, give me strength like i've asked you in my prayers..