A simple life?

Friday, June 20, 2008

Oh, so you tell his psychologist and relatives that, after retiring, you have more time to spend with your son and want to get closer to him..

But, what of the past 20 years of his life? The most crucial part of life, some people say. Where were you? You said you tried to help but because of differences in opinion between the uncle and you, things turned sour.

What about fairness now i ask. Is one supposed to just say that, 'oh ok, let's forget about the past years and be merry now.'

The son is trying his best to put up with your calls, your requests to meet up, your requests to be in the sessions with his psychologist and even the suggestion of changing his doctor whom he has gotten along so well with.

You say, ' I want you to be successful, I want you to lead life everyday happily.' Notice that is always what you want. You've never asked me what I want. Not that i don't want to be successful and lead life happily everyday, but its what success and happiness means to me that you don't know.

What i feel is that, you want to have a say in things and ok, let's put it in a nicer way, be part of your son's life, with the money you have. I think that you know and i know that the money you have has put you in control of some aspects of your family's life. That's because of the money you have.

Hm, you can say my paranoia is working up again. But, what i feel is that, yes, you want to be closer to your son. But, you want him to do what YOU want. That's not so right, isn't it?

Let's talk about something you just told him. 'I want you to stop taking medicine, you're so young, you shouldn't be taking so many medicine. There is so many things out there to see.'

You think your son wants to take medicine? The way you put it gives him the idea that you are just not happy with him spending your money on the medicine and doctor consultation he requires.

Know this, your son hates to be on medication and seeing the doctor so regularly. It has been hell for him when the negative effects of the medicine shows up. Why does he still take the medicine then? Its in the hope that it would get him better. He is willing to put up with the side effects for awhile to see if the medicine helps.

Now, but now. What do you want him to do? Change to another doctor and restart the whole cycle again. Do you know what he has to go through? Another round of testing medications to see which one suits him. Another round of talking about those unhappy moments to another doctor. Another round of side effects. Its a full cycle again.

The son is willing to do it, for he hopes to get well. Just a few things, what if your son has to be on medication the rest of his life? Are you willing to accept that? What if your son, because of the chemical imbalance in his brain, can't be that successful person you picture him to be? Are you willing to accept that? What if your son, because of the years that you've never played a part in his life, decided that enough is enough and even though he can forgive you for the hurt you've caused him and his closed ones decide that he doesn't want to have anything to do with you anymore? How will you accept that?

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The son is tired from all this thinking and typing. He needs to rest.